Welp, our annual college bowl picks column (which used to be) “incredibly smart except when it’s not” is back, tail between legs, after dipping its toe into the print and digital transfer portal and finding no takers for our so-called talent making scathing predictions .
It turns out that the grass isn’t always greener, and the money we were angling to get from media companies turned out to be generated by artificial intelligence for nothing. Who knows?
Anyway, we’re back where we belong, churning out dishes heavy on flowery soufflés and light on substance. Do you want in-depth data and analysis? Call Connor Stallions. In the meantime, keep working.
Myrtle beach, Georgia Southern vs. Ohio: Good luck getting Bobcat fans off the golf courses and onto the course. Ohio, 38-27
to celebrateHoward vs. Florida A&M: Never pick a school that matches the same last name as one of the Three Stooges to win. Florida A&M, 48-24.
New Orleans, Jacksonville State vs. Louisiana: In the Bay, Gamecocks fans wave goodbye to the Ragin’ Cajuns. JSU, 28-24.
medicine, Miami (Ohio) vs. Appalachian State: The Redhawks have never beaten Michigan. Application status has. No one said that our choices have to be logical. Arizona State University, 34-21.
New MexicoNew Mexico State vs. Fresno State: The game is played in Albuquerque, which ranks fourth nationally in stolen cars. Shut the bus down when you leave, bulldog. NFL, 38-31.
the, UCLA vs. Boise State: Remember when the Bruins’ Chip Kelly was the flavor of the month among college coaches? Neither do we. University of Biso, 24-23.
independenceCal vs. Texas Tech: Berkeley vs. Lubbock? This left versus right Donnybrook would be much more interesting if it were a political debate. Cal, 34-24.
The famous roaster, Western Kentucky vs. Old Dominion. We watched the Hilltoppers lose by 53 to Ohio State, but the Kings would lose by 63. WKU, 43-27.
Fresco, UTSA vs. Marshall: San Antonio ran for cover after thinking the Thundering Herd heard a rumbling sound. Marshall, 53-48.
Boca Raton, South Florida vs. Syracuse: Let’s measure motivation. One of the warm weather teams travels across the state to play in slightly warmer weather. The other team leaves the frozen hell and goes to a tropical paradise. Syracuse, 24-17.
Gasparilla, Georgia Tech vs. Central Florida: Are we supposed to believe that the store that sells ice cream won’t crush the Yellow Jackets? What is this? Is it UCF and not UDF? Ah, it doesn’t matter. GT, 31-21.
BirminghamTroy vs. Duke: Schools using this as a first name are hereby excluded from this column. Double confiscation.
Camellia, Arkansas State vs. Northern Illinois: We’re not from the South, and we’ve never heard of the Red Wolves, but they seem to exist for more than just ASU’s nickname. whatever. Northern Illinois tames them. New 38-30.
Armed forces, James Madison vs. the Air Force: The fourth American president was more of a Navy man. He appears. Air Forces, 42-17.
Famous Idaho potatoes, Georgia State vs Utah State: rhymes with failed. Utah State, 24-17.
Projects, South Alabama vs. Eastern Michigan: Battle of the Directional Masses. South Alabama, 23-20.
Las vigas, Utah vs. Northwestern: The Wildcats’ upset-beating season has just come to a head. Utah, 28-14.
Hawaii, Coastal Carolina vs. San Jose State: Coastal is not clear for Carolina as the quarterback transfers to NC State. The Spartans would benefit from the turmoil. Sjo, 43-35.
Quick lane, Bowling Green vs. Minnesota: Falcons say, “Ay Ziggy Zumba” that, Gophers. PGSU, 27-24
First responderState of Texas v. Rice: It is unfortunate that a first responder came to this slaughter. Texas State, 50-24.
Guaranteed price, Kansas vs. UNLV: No jokes here. After suffering a campus tragedy, the Runaway Rebels need some positivity. UNLV, 37-34.
armyVirginia Tech vs. Tulane: The Hokies hear “Two Lane” and worry that the Green Wave is too advanced for them. “We don’t have freeways here in Yelp.” Tulane, 37-21.
mayonnaise, North Carolina vs. West Virginia: “In the aftermath, we’re going to beat your ass with a miracle,” the Mountaineers say. West Virginia University, 31-27.
vacation, Louisville vs. Southern California: The Cardinals can score. The Trojans cannot defend. 1 + 1 = Another Lincoln Riley party. Louisville, 42-38.
texas, Texas A&M vs. Oklahoma State: The Aggies have a new coach. The Cowboys have an established coach. A win for old Mike Gundy, who is now over 40 years old. OSU, 37-31.
Fenway, SMU vs. Boston College: These Mustangs hit over the Green Monster and out of the park. HH, 35-17.
Pencil case, Rutgers vs. Miami: Rutgers is only 50 miles from the Bronx, but Miami is located south of New York City. Go with the home team. Miami, 24-23.
Pop tarts, NC State vs. Kansas State: In sugary breakfast food terms, the Wildcats are about to get roasted. NC State, 24-20.
AlamoArizona vs. Oklahoma: Forget “Remember the Alamo”; Sooner fans are wondering if Brent Venables remembers how to win. Arizona, 38-34.
Crocodile, Clemson vs. Kentucky: After finishing 8-5, maybe it’s time for Dabo to start taking the advice of “Tyler from Spartanburg?” Kentucky, 24-20.
sunOregon State vs. Notre Dame: Also known as the Anti-Big Ten Bowl. One team angry that they were left out of the B1G versus a team proud that they never accepted an invitation to join. Notre Dame, 27-17.
freedom, Memphis v. Iowa State: “Give me having to see liberty or give me death.” Difficult choice. Iowa State, 34-27.
cotton, Missouri vs. Ohio State: What can (Devin) Brown do for you? The Buckeyes are about to find out. Missouri, 24-23.
peach, Ole Miss vs. Penn State: The Nittany Lions’ defense makes Lane Kiffin’s offense look more like old Mrs. Penn State, 31-10.
Music City, Auburn vs. Maryland: At halftime, the band plays the obscure country breakup song, “I Gave Up This Game for Another Game.” Maryland, 31-30.
orange, Georgia vs. Florida State: Bulldog-Seminole Joke: Who’s There? orange. Orange who? Orange Are you happy about expanding the playoffs to 12 teams? Georgia, 24-17.
ArizonaToledo vs. Wyoming: Toledo is next to Michigan. Wyoming next to Yellowstone. Cowboy feature. Wyoming, 35-27.
ReliaQuest, Wisconsin vs. LSU: When cowards travel south, they melt like cheddar on a grilled burger. LSU, 42-20.
Eid, Liberty vs. Oregon: Bible thumpers vs. tree huggers? Pass the popcorn. Oregon State, 48-17.
citrus fruits, Iowa vs. Tennessee: Iowa’s defense is putting pressure on the Tennessee orange, but the Hokies’ offense is once again playing like a pulp. Tennessee, 17-10.
rose, Alabama vs. Michigan: Cheaters never win, at least not against Nick Saban. Alabama, 27-24.
sugar, Texas vs. Washington: The Longhorns hunt some Huskies. Texas, 40-31.
International tournamentAlabama vs. Texas: The Tide turns Bevo into chopped liver. Alabama, 28-17.
roller@dispatch.com
The Ohio State Buckeyes football team is gearing up for an exciting postseason as they have secured a spot in one of the 42 bowl games on the college schedule. With a strong season behind them, the Buckeyes are ready to showcase their skills on the national stage and compete against other top college football programs. As fans eagerly anticipate the upcoming game, the team is focused on preparing and strategizing to secure a memorable victory in this prestigious bowl game.