What is the famous roaster? Is this toast, a toaster, or a toaster? I don’t care. I want that. I will watch that. If you don’t, that’s okay. There is no shortage of orders on the American schedule during the holiday season. But no one will ask you for anything less than the famous toaster pot. It’s consequence-free football and will be there if you need it.
Remember that this weekend when you’re stuck at someone else’s holiday party, or when you’re desperate to avoid discussing politics (or worse, yourself) with family. That’s when you remember that the Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl is on, and you can watch 6-6 Cal and 6-6 Texas Tech battle it out all night in a northwest Louisiana casino town as a “reward” for their “brilliant seasons,” funded by an enigmatic defense contractor.
We need more Independence Vessels from Radiance Technologies, not less. It’s true that the postseason bowl system is partly responsible for college football’s stunted growth and running tail-wagging dogs, but not these Bowls. Indepedence Bowl organizes nothing other than an unforgettable good time in Shreveport at affordable prices. Will you remember the game after two days? Doubtful. Would you pay $400 to watch it again four months from now in the spring football desert? Yes.
The uncomfortable rule of thumb is that the more popular a ballgame is, the more serious its impact on the sport. If you’re still angry about Florida State’s College Football Playoff snub, blame the bowl cartel — the Fiesta, the Peaches, the Cotton, and the Roses (especially rose) — which blocked the development of the playoffs for decades and then reluctantly agreed to a smaller four-team bracket from the five power conferences that was built to accommodate it.
And in a couple of weeks, we will be asked to invest in the unseen risks of the final and hilarious version of the “New Year’s Six.” Two bowls (this year they’re Rose and Sugar) will host actual meaningful playoff games (which is a good thing!), while four others (Peach, Fiesta, Cotton, and Orange) will boast completely worthless exhibitions among a small group of very good games. Teams that just missed the real postseason.
All of these matchups (No. 9 Missouri vs. No. 7 Ohio State, No. 11 Mississippi vs. No. 10 Penn State, No. 6 Georgia vs. No. 5 Florida State, and No. 23 Liberty vs. No. 10). 8 Oregon) It would be a show of dates if it actually mattered at all. Instead, thanks only to the restricted scope provided by ball tampering, we have a four-team playoff and then these…other games. Last week I spoke to faculty at three of the schools that participated in these games about unrelated matters, and all three volunteered how little they or their programs cared about the outcomes of these meaningless exhibitions.
Of course, none of these schools would dare say so publicly, but their behavior already does: as you track the fixture list between now and January, as the supposed ‘importance’ of fixtures increases, you will find an actual increase in interim coaches. Departing coordinators and players have gone to the transfer portal or opted out to prepare for the NFL Draft. Expect Kirk Herbstreit to talk about the latter two on the next “College GameDay,” but don’t peek past the coaches.
And before you or Herbstreit start talking romantically about the Rose Bowl or any of these games, please understand this: I don’t care about sunsets in Pasadena on New Year’s Day. I’m not from the Midwest. I’m from the South, where we stopped caring about saying things like “Sugar Bowl Champions!” 30 years ago, when global warming and a more accessible Gulf Coast meant we could claim a 12-team national season free of bowl influence and still enjoy a 65-degree January in romantic Pensacola.
There won’t be any Rose Bowl-level rivalry in Mobile, Alabama, on Dec. 23, when 6-6 South Alabama hosts 6-6 Eastern Michigan in the 68 Ventures Bowl. (I had to look up that game. It’s real estate. My first guess was Crypto.) What a public service this game is! And this is two days before Christmas! You can talk to your senior loved one about the latest Hillary Clinton “news story” they found on Facebook, or you can allow the 500 Football Group to gently (and politely!) ignore any need for conversation.
Sure, the 68 Ventures Bowl (seriously, that sounds like a website you’re afraid to click on) isn’t as important as — if not more important than — Florida State and Georgia playing for absolutely nothing in the Orange Bowl, but it’s supposed to to be. And that’s the point: The bowls were rare, meaningful showcases for a sport that lacked enough unity to create a champion. But then came the TV money, these bizarre events used “traditions” to fend off logic, and calls for sensible post-season reform were fought off by the bowl cartel. At the same time, demand for cable TV stock has increased the number of games, making their importance moot.
All of this has led us to a modern landscape where it’s okay to mock an arbitrary Goofy Sponsor Bowl in mid-December but there’s still the formality of paying attention to an equally arbitrary Peach or Cotton Bowl this year, if only because the schools and stadiums are bigger.
No thank you. College football is an all-American game, so I will do my part by rejecting authoritarian ruling structures while simultaneously consuming kindness. I won’t be watching the New Year’s Six games in which the programs themselves would rather be doing something else. However, I will try to watch six completely random FBS games this weekend.
The future of the bowls is in doubt thanks to an expansion of the playoffs set to arrive next year. As of this writing, first-round games scheduled at home in the new 12-team format are under fire by bowl officials desperate to move those games to neutral-site NFL stadiums as quarterfinal and semifinal games, all to charge exorbitant ticket prices. And the sale of hotel blocks. These are the interests of the important bowls, and the important bowls have a 100% history of working against the best interests of the sport.
Myrtle Beach bowl is not important. But the team I grew up rooting for, Georgia Southern, will play Ohio State in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, at 11 a.m. Saturday. If Georgia Southern wins, it will do little to salvage a disappointing 6-6 season and four-game losing streak. If Ohio wins, I’ll probably shrug my shoulders and forget the details of the game in a few days.
This behavior will appropriately reflect the merit and importance of the game. It would be an honest deal between the fine folks at the Myrtle Beach Tourism Board, myself, and ESPN, charging advertising rates for live sports instead of reruns of a talk show, all without impacting or stopping college football’s postseason.
It’s football, I’ll watch it. It’s an American birthright that this sport distracts us during uncomfortable times. The smaller and more meaningless the bowl game, the more unethical the distraction.
College football games have always held a certain allure, with their passionate fans, lively atmosphere, and the thrill of competition. However, some games have gained a reputation for being particularly mysterious, with various urban legends and unexplained occurrences surrounding them. While these mysteriously charged games may add an extra layer of intrigue to the college football experience, it’s important to remember that they are ultimately harmless. Adults, with their rational thinking and logical reasoning, are not as captivated by these mysteries as younger fans may be.